One of the silent killers in many marriages today is the absence of boundaries. We often convince ourselves into thinking they are unnecessary in marriage. Many times, I hear spouses say they don’t want to appear controlling or they don’t want to be controlled. I’ve even heard married couples say, “I should be able to do whatever I want!” Yet the truth is we surrendered our “want” the moment we made a vow to “become as one” with someone else. Continue reading “Setting Boundaries in Your Marriage”
One afternoon I was enjoying a manicure while my husband, Juan was giving me a much-needed break from my mommy duties. All of a sudden, I received a Facebook message from my brother. With both of my hands occupied, all I could see was the question he asked me, “How are you still in love with Juan after 13+years?” His question completely caught me off guard at first. We normally have candid, deep conversations, but they’re usually not about marriage. Nevertheless, I admired his sincere question. I admittedly feel like we are living in a world where love has an expiration date. More and more, I find it rare where both partners want to put forth the effort marriage requires. I can honestly foresee the vast majority of this upcoming generation asking the same kind of question with a genuine concern: “How do you still love your spouse?”
Although we are born into this world eager to love and trust emphatically, we learn over time not everyone is trustworthy and some people are hard to love. We all go through heartaches, frustrations and disappointments from the people that enter our lives and test our ability to love, to forgive and to move on. Sadly, those that are the closest to us often challenge our “love walk” the most. It’s probably because they’re the ones we are the most vulnerable with. We hold our lovers, friends and family’s opinions with high regard and are sometimes caught off guard when they hurt us.
I remember a time in my younger married years, following my husband around the house like a puppy dog begging him to plan our next year together. I wanted to set marriage, financial, spiritual and physical goals together. However, at that time he wasn’t fond of setting goals or planning. He admittedly was ignorant about the benefits of goal setting and planning. He thought they were restrictive and that they would chip away from his independence. He didn’t want to be accountable, limited or bounded by any words printed on a paper or on mounted on the wall.
How we met…
Our love story begins the Summer of 1998. We were both accepted into a math summer program for minorities at California State University, Sacramento (CSUS) prior to beginning our first semester. Oddly enough, we were both on the fence regarding whether we’d be attending CSUS in the Fall. I sent my application to Oral Roberts University and I was eagerly waiting for my acceptance letter. I later found out they never received my application. Juan on the other hand wasn’t even sure if he was “College worthy” (something I’ll need to blog about at another time). Through what may have seemed like the eagerness of CSUS’s organization to recruit minorities, because neither one of us actually applied into the program, we both received invitations to participate with all provisions supplied. I now acknowledge it for what it was-the hand of God leading us on His path for our lives.
Since the beginning of my husband and I’s relationship, we’ve had this unintentional motto that has stuck with us over the past eighteen years, “Together is Better!” Honestly at first we found it silly, but we kept saying it after we’d complete some task together, like it was our victory chant. Before we knew it, our silly little saying started to sound profound as it proved itself over and over true. When we’re given a task or presented with a decision, we instinctively look to each other. Still we have those bad days on the “marriage field” where we’d like to call each other out on performance-because every team has those days. Nevertheless, we have put considerable effort into working as a team over the years and still do; whether it’s in ministry serving, at home cleaning, completing projects, discussing our budget or even being in agreement on how we should discipline our toddlers. This doesn’t mean we have lost our individuality or identity in each other. On the contrary, because we are different people it has greatly enhanced our success as a married couple. We realize we are bringing more to the playing field of our marriage life than if we were replicates of each other’s skills and talents. When you’re a teammate to your spouse you… Continue reading “How to Build Teamwork in Your Marriage”
My husband and I have been best friends for seventeen years. We’ve been by each other’s side through tragedies, victories and everything in between. We’ve watched each other grow and we’ve helped mold each another into the adults we are today. Like every relationship we’ve had our ups and downs. They’re times we feel like we’re in love with each other and other times where we struggle to like each other.What gets us through the tougher times is our relationship with God and putting His Word into practice. There are clear principles we can find on marriage in the Bible that we can use to save the friendships within our marriages.
It’s funny how when we’re younger some of us dream of finding that special someone. We look for the ideal perfect person that we think will make our life complete. Little do we know, we’ve fallen prey to a definition of love we conjured up in our minds; it’s influenced by the movies we see, books we read, by our favorite television shows, images we see on Facebook or other forms of social media. Before we know it, many of us find ourselves either growing impatient looking for our Prince Charming, or tying the knot with someone we anticipate to meet all of our unrealistic expectations. It’s quite the rude awakening, when we realize our spouse can’t make us happy. Then we are left with the questions: “Should I call it quits?” “Is my marriage worth fighting for?” “Am I better off without him/her?”